🥛 Invest like a dead person → win 💀

PLUS: Why isn’t Coinbase ripping? 🤷♂️

Today’s edition is brought to you by Bitget - one of the fastest growing centralized exchanges.

GM. This is Milk Road, the newsletter that teaches you to love crypto as much as your reclusive neighbor, Dale, loves model trains!

Here’s what we got for you today:

✍️ Invest like a dead person
✍️ Why isn’t Coinbase ripping?
🎙️ The Milk Road Show: $243M Traded in 7 Weeks: The Zora Explosion Explained w/ Zora Co-Founder
🍪 A key stablecoin bill just missed the mark

Prices as of 2:00 PM ET. Click here for our Fear & Greed Index.

REMINDER: INVEST LIKE A DEAD PERSON 💀

Fair warning…

Depending on your past actions, the following charts are either going to bring you:

Great joy… OR
Deep pain…

So, buckle up!

1/ $ETH is ripping – pulling in 20%+ gains yesterday

Source: @TheCryptoLark

2/ Altcoins followed suit, moving +11% (bottom-to-top) since yesterday morning

Source: TradingView

3/ In fact, just about EVERYTHING is skyrocketing right now!

Source: CoinMarketCap

For those that kept their cool and held through the pain of the last few months – you’re probably feeling pretty great right now!

…those that panic-sold? Not so much.

If you’re the type of person to get scared/angry when the market pulls back → sell your assets → only to chase the market when we hit new all-time highs again…

Well, we have a much easier option for you: Buy n’ hold quality assets for years/decades.

It’s easy and it works. Don’t believe us?

Fidelity (one of the largest asset managers in the world) ran an internal study on their best-performing client brokerage accounts over a 10-year period from 2003-2013…

Their best-performing clients? Errr, they were all dead.

They bought → held → died…and RIPped in the afterlife baaaby!

(Too much? My bad.)

Point is: invest like a dead person.

Don’t try to time the markets, just buy n’ hold – it’s easier and more effective than active trading.

…plus, missing days like yesterday can cost you BIG! 👇

Source: VisualCapitalist

Be honest: did you buy, hold, or sell throughout the recent pullback?

WHY TRADERS ARE CHOOSING BITGET

The centralized exchange (CEX) space is crowded…

There are tons of CEXs already and more continue to pop up every other week…

Yet, while the rest of the market chopped in Q1 2025, Bitget’s trading volume shot up 159% – making it one of the fastest growing CEXs in 2025!

So, why are traders rushing to Bitget? 👇

Some of the lowest fees: 0.1%, reducible to 0.08% if you hold the $BGB token
High leverage: Up to 125x for all the degens
Bitget Academy: Free guides and tutorials for all the not-so-degens

Ready to see what the buzz is all about?

WHY ISN’T COINBASE RIPPING? 🤷♂️

Riddle me this:

The entire crypto market is pumping
Coinbase just announced they’re buying Deribit (HUGE news)
But somehow $COIN has round-tripped the past 24 hrs, making ~0% gains

Genuine question: what the hell??

Most obvious answer: Coinbase missed earnings yesterday. 👇

Source: Coinbase

Here’s where $COIN let Wall St. down:

1/ Q1 revenue was down ~13%

Coinbase struggled to keep pace with its Q4 2024 revenues (~$2.3B vs. ~$2B) thanks to a broader drop in crypto trading volume in the start of 2025.

2/ Net income was down 95%

This sounds worse than it is.

Net income dropped from a record ~$1.3B in Q4 of last year, to ~$66M, yes – but a good chunk of this was due to ~$596M worth of ‘paper losses’ Coinbase saw on their crypto holdings.

(AKA: the crypto they hold lost value, but they haven’t sold yet, so it's only a loss on paper.)

3/ Expectations were missed

Last quarter, Coinbase told Wall St. to expect revenues of $2.12B, but only delivered $2.0B.

The good news?

Coinbase is still a major leader in the crypto space, with a proven track record of execution – and if you’re bullish on $COIN long term:

The stock is on sale right now!

BITE-SIZED COOKIES FOR THE ROAD 🍪

Imagine Aave, Compound and Morpho all rolled into one platform. Now, stop imagining because that’s exactly what Rocko has built and we’ve just dropped a thorough review of their platform.

A key stablecoin bill just missed the mark. The GENIUS Act failed to pass by a razor-thin margin of 48 to 49. Despite this failure, we still believe that stablecoin regulation is coming soon.

This would be huuuuge if it happens. There are reports that Meta is looking to launch a stablecoin.

Being all in on Solana, I just had to put this in. Solana flips $BNB in market cap. Next stop: $XRP.

We’re hiring! We’re starting something called "Milk Road Macro” and we’re looking for a content creator to lead efforts on the podcast and X. Check out the role and see if it’s your vibe.

This DEX solves an actual UX issue! Milk Road Swap supports both Ethereum and Solana tokens in a single interface.